Hostility gives you Character

pin_and_needle @ 2007-12-31T15:26:00

2007-12-31T20:27:45Z

long time no talk.
.........................
.........................
yeah, my thoughts exactly.

just another fowarded email..

2007-10-22T16:49:42Z

> John is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is
> always in a good mood and always has something
> positive to say. When someone would ask him how he
> was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I
> would be twins!"
> He was a natural motivator. If an employee was
> having a bad day, John was there telling the
> employee how to look on the positive side of the
> situation. Seeing this style really made me curious,
> so one day I went up and asked him, "I don't get it!
> You can't be a positive person all of the time. How
> do you do it?" He replied, "Each morning I wake up
> and say to myself, you have two choices today. You
> can choose to be in a good mood or ... you can
> choose to be in a bad mood I choose to be in a good
> mood." Each time something bad happens, I can choose
> to be a victim or...I can choose to learn from it. I
> choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to
> me complaining, I can choose to accept their
> complaining or... I can point out the positive side
> of life. I choose the positive side of life. "Yeah,
> right, it's not that easy," I protested. "Yes, it
> is," he said. "Life is all about choices. When you
> cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice.
> You choose how you react to
> situations. You choose how people affect your mood.
> You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The
> bottom line: It's your choice how you live your
> life." I reflected on what he said. Soon hereafter,
> I left the Tower Industry to start my own business.
> We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I
> made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.
> Several years later, I heard that he was involved in
> a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a
> communications tower. After 18 hours of surgery and
> weeks of intensive care, he was released from the
> hospital with rods placed in his back. I saw him
> about six months after the accident. When I asked
> him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better,
> I'd be twins...Wanna see my scars?" I declined to
> see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone
> through his mind as the accident took place. "The
> first thing that went through my mind was the
> well-being of my soon-to-be born daughter," he
> replied. "Then, as I lay on the
> ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could
> choose to live or...I could choose to die. I chose
> to live." "Weren't you scared? Did you lose
> consciousness?" I asked He continued, "..the
> paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was
> going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the
> ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the
> doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their
> eyes, I read 'he's a dead man'. I knew I needed to
> take action." "What did you do?" I asked. "Well,
> there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at
> me," said John. "She asked if I was allergic to
> anything 'Yes, I replied.' The doctors and nurses
> stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took
> a deep breath and yelled, 'GRAVITY'!" Over their
> laughter, I told them, "I am choosing to live.
> Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead." He lived,
> thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because
> of his amazing attitude... I learned from him that
> every day we have the choice to live fully.
> Attitude, after all, is everything. Therefore do not
> worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about
> itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.After
> all today is the tomorrow you worried about
> yesterday. You have two choices now: 1. Delete
> this 2. Forward it to the people you care about. You
> know the choice I made.

pin_and_needle @ 2007-05-17T17:46:00

2007-05-17T21:46:35Z

he told me he loved me.
and i said 'i know.'

you can stand under my umbrella

2007-05-17T21:41:32Z

i'm lacking creativity
and overflowing with simplicity
that should be a good thing, right?

though simplicity is boring unless its simple math,
which is easy. too easy.
i guess thats better than complicated.
complex

i need complexity, to get my brain going again.
i feel.. dormant? is that the word?

i feel dirty, and by that i mean literally.. i need to have a shower.
i feel tired..
all the god damned time.
i feel lonely, yet i never have much time alone.

i need my family back, or maybe
i need another drinking buddy.

who's gonna read this?

pin_and_needle @ 2007-04-01T03:38:00

2007-04-01T07:37:01Z

it's so fucking confusing.
but it still makes me smile.

i have to pee, you should care.

pin_and_needle @ 2007-03-19T00:41:00

2007-03-19T04:43:25Z

i should be
gone
i should be

you don't deserve
this
i don't deserve
you, or
you

what do i win?
now that i have nothing to lose.

pin_and_needle @ 2007-03-15T01:46:00

2007-03-15T06:13:48Z

rain, rain
oh won't you stay
'til all my sins come out to play
then wash my dirty soul away,
please come again some other day,
for now my body's out to lay
in the sun
sun
mr golden sun,
please burn down on me
oh mister sun,
sun
mr golden sun
'cuz i don't deserve the shine, you see (as the shine implies morality)
these little children are asking you,
what the fuck did i do, to deserve this too?
so mister sun
sun
mr. golden sun,
put away your little light,
the one that's shining way too bright
i wish i may, i wish i might,
please, just let me sleep tonight.

another? the first bit came to me, i pushed the rest out.. i feel constipated.

on another note: Monica, I hope you're having the time of you life in Vienna! Justine, New York, New Yorrrkkkk :) have fun love.. think of me!
i love and miss you both already! remember to think of me when you buy stuff;)

pin_and_needle @ 2007-03-13T00:21:00

2007-03-13T04:53:41Z

cheap tricks for a thrill
you know the drill,
look into my eyes
before going in for the kill
once bitten,
twice shy
is that how the saying goes?
but when your lessons not learned,
everyone knows.

my flaws and mistakes
they're written on my face,
and everyone takes advantage of insecurities.

bite once for good measure
and twice for good luck
because it all comes down to,
who's here just to fuck?

take a step back,
because while the days go by slow,
your life is flashing before your eyes.

--bah, i feel like im trying too hard, i need to get this out!--

pin_and_needle @ 2007-03-11T15:21:00

2007-03-11T19:23:35Z

i've decided that the reason why i haven't gotten my license yet is because if i were to have it, i'd one day have to be the DD, and that would suck.

besides that, i feel like a bad habit, one you have to hide from your family. and that sucks.

pin_and_needle @ 2007-03-10T01:39:00

2007-03-10T06:39:30Z

p.s. the number 23 has ruined my life.

The Hills Have Eyes.

2007-03-10T06:37:50Z

~~the lucky people die fast.~~
the lucky people die first.

on another note..
my brother is a fucking COOL kid.
i mean it.
i need to see him more often.

i think in badly written poem

2007-03-10T00:00:17Z

thoughts left unknown to the ones not thinking.
words left unsaid to the ones not speaking.
feelings left unknown to the ones not touched.
                                                                   felt.
                                                                    feeling.
                                                                      ..
                                                                    fleeing.

as with most slappings, it's the one whose struck who wins the match.
--
it's you
it's you
it's you
it's you

i hear it.
do you hear it?

it's you
it's you
it's you
it's you

i don't hear it.
fuck- i'm crazy.

went to bed knowing what i wanted.
went to sleep knowing what i needed.

'cause i'm just a little girl,
in a small world,
in a big world,
in her own world.
you'll listen to me, finally.
when they're the last words you hear,
finally.
finally.

pin_and_needle @ 2007-03-09T02:19:00

2007-03-09T07:24:17Z

yep, definetly the days.

pin_and_needle @ 2007-03-08T02:46:00

2007-03-08T08:34:36Z

i'm sitting here thinking, i need to write.
i'm on a roll.
and then i get down to it, and i have writers block.
i have so much to say, yet nothing at all.

who cares really, what i have to say?
who cares really, what's on my mind?
who cares? really.
really. re-he-heallllly.

hello, how are you doing today?
i hope i find you're feeling healthy.
i'm so glad our paths crossed this time today.
on our way into the night.

i light a smoke
to provoke some thought.
but just as i inhale the toxicity,
the thought seems to disappear just as quickly as i exhale.
then i think "fuck, i'm trying too hard."

story of my fucking life.
done. over. next.

my mother doesn't return my calls.
my father doesn't talk to me.
i don't remember the last time i got a hug a didn't ask for.
a kiss i didn't expect.
or an 'i love you' without a 'too' at the end.
--now my thoughts stop.

and it hits me like a brick to the face..
how can anyone find me when i'm all over the place?

pin_and_needle @ 2007-03-08T00:55:00

2007-03-08T07:19:14Z

YES I'M HUMAN!
we make mistakes.
or do 'we'?

fuck, all of these fucked up thoughts..
FUCK ALL OF THESE FUCKED UP THOUGHTS!

fuck is such a strong word. i'm going to use it more often.
more often then i already do.
my grandmother told me 'potty mouths are for floozies'.
but i guess now that 'everyone' thinks i'm a slut..

fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck.

"the friends who mind don't matter, and the friends who matter don't mind."

my vision is blurry, as my brain is so overcome with thinking, that my capacity to see is second priority to my capacity to think.

fuck, all of these fucked up thoughts..
FUCK ALL OF THESE FUCKED UP THOUGHTS!

coming home from work today, i couldn't help but think 'alright, i'm heading into the fire'
i know i'm going to be burned. i already have been. it was my own fault.
first degree.
second degree.
third degree.
fuck it. someone just murder me!
first degree.
second degree.
no takers?
i'll have to take it into my own hands.
though, i'm bound to fuck it up.. botch my own suicide.. how embarrassing.
then i have to face the third degree.
from you.
from her.
from him.
all of them asking me, why?

..

because there was nothing good on T.V.

fuck, all of these fucked up thoughts..
FUCK ALL OF THESE FUCKED UP THOUGHTS!

the best offence is a good defense.
hum..
i started writing a word and i forget what it was.
humble?
human?
humbug?
bah FUCKING humbug, Mr. Scrooge.
i'll scrooge you alright.
and then i'll scrooge you again.

the more questions asked, the more frustrating it becomes.
what's it?
because i don't know the fucking answers.
what's it?
and it's like a huge fucking test that i keep failing.
WHAT'S IT?
and the more i try,
the more i fail,
the more questions i ask,
the more frustrating it becomes.
WHAT THE FUCK IS IT?

that's it.

fuck, these fucked up thoughts..
FUCK THESE FUCKED UP THOUGHTS!

i'm bound to step on some toes.
i'm bound to say things i don't mean.
i'm bound to fail, once in a while.
i'm bound to..
i'm bound.
constricted.
resricted.

i just put on a hat, to make sure my brains don't spill out of the top of my head.
the hat's not going to help when my body explodes.
the hat's not going to help when my..
wait, what's left when my body is gone?
my soul? ha. apparently i don't have one.

fuck, all of these fucked up thoughts..
FUCK ALL OF THESE FUCKED UP THOUGHTS!

what the fuck?
everyone's willing to pass the buck.
blatantly lying.
trying to defuse this awkward prying.

if you love something you should let it go, if it comes back, it's yours to keep.
hm, so this is how it works?

i loved myself.
i let myself go.
i haven't found myself yet, nor have i come back from where ever it is i went.
so i guess i'm not mine.
not yet.

i hurt my feelings.
i have no feelings.

fuck, all of these fucked up thoughts..
FUCK ALL OF THESE FUCKED UP THOUGHTS.

who am i?
now after reading this.. tell me, am i a fucking human?

pin_and_needle @ 2007-03-06T16:23:00

2007-03-06T21:27:26Z

You.
Can.
Only.
Type.
One.
Word.

Not as easy as you might think.

1. Where is your cell phone?
gone

2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend?
none

3. Your hair?:
tangled

5. Your father?
working

6. Your favorite thing?
bed

7. Your dream last night?:
weird

8. Your favorite drink?:
beer

9. Your dream car?
none

10. The room you're in?:
tidy

11. Your ex?:
ex?

12. You are?:
tired

13. What do you want to be in 10 years?
alive

14. Who did you hang out with last night?
everyone

15. What you're not?
ugly

16. Muffin?
ew

17. An item you want for Christmas?
money

18. Where is the love?
bum

19. The last thing you did?
slept

20. What are you wearing?
pajamas

21. Your TV?
off

22. Your pet?
none

23. Your computer?
addicting

24. Your life?
unstable

25. Your mood?:
fine

26. MISSING?
mind

27. What are you thinking about right now?
monica

28. Your car?
non-existent

29. Your work?
fun

30. Your summer?
upcoming

31. Your relationship status?
single

32.Your favorite color?
purple

33. When is the last time you laughed?
now

34. Last time you cried?
yesterday

35. Friends?
fantastic!

pin_and_needle @ 2007-02-19T02:54:00

2007-02-19T07:55:27Z

note to self: tequila is NOT a girls best friend.

there are some parts of friday night that i have no recollection of. and that scares me.

pin_and_needle @ 2007-01-21T14:01:00

2007-01-21T19:12:23Z

"Nothing lasts forever.
so live it up
drink it down
laugh it off
avoid bullshit
take chances
never have regrets
because at one point everything you did was exactly how you wanted it."

despite all of the bullshit that was pushed from the back of my mind, causing me to be drunk and bitter last night, i still had a good time.

the bands set was amazing and they sounded better than they did before, and probably had a better time than they ever have.
waiting around for the last band to play wasnt as tedious as i thought it would be, as grandma at the sleezy chinese bar kept feeding me 3 dollar beers. i still don't know how much money i spent last night, i don't want to know.

i was drinking away my regrets last night, and i have no problem admitting it, i'm glad i had my friends around to laugh at my (i'm assuming) well articulated rantings. though it probably contained some vulgar slurs and death plots. simply put "i want to fucking kill him."

and mitch having fun with that crazy crackhead talking about global warming, and the fact that he wasnt hygenic enough for her to fuck him lightened up the mood.
"oh yeah? how about i put some sandpaper on my dick and fuck you in the ass, i'll make you cum for 3 days.."

but yes, the guy that doesn't deserve my time of day is still on my mind, i can't help that.
the fact that he said he's call me gives me some hope, but i still highly doubt that he'll call, because he probably doesn't even have my number anymore.. i know now what i should have said.
"don't fucking lie to me. again. you asshole."

whatever, i have regrets, i can't help that either.. but to look at it optimistically, at least it gives me character.

i'm all over the place.
but i'm not upset. just bitter.

pin_and_needle @ 2007-01-21T13:06:00

2007-01-21T18:36:18Z

(Steph, i thought i'd take the initiative to do the list, since we had such a good time thinking about it..)

Attention Prospective Male (and Female) Sleep-mates--for lack of a better term--:

The following list is composed not only for my peace of mind, but to warn you about my neurotic, annoying and possibly disgusting sleeping habits. Hilarity ensues, i assure you, but everything about to be mentioned, has been (unfortunately) witnessed by previous sleepmates in utter disgust, then relayed to me, the next morning, thus rendering me shocked and moreso embarrassed. Also, this list serves as an apology, as i cannot stop nor control my body while i'm half unconcious. you have been warned..

1)i snore, especially if i'm under any influences and/or sick.
2)i am a mouth breather, meaning i breathe really loud, not in a sexual way.. just loud.
3)i move around constantly, you may be kicked, punched, and/or shoved out of the bed at any moments notice.
4)i am a blanket and pillow hog. i will steal every bit of warmth from you body in order to accomodate my own comfort.
5)sometimes i pass wind. deal with it.
6)i talk in my sleep. if i mention you or anyone you know and you hint a bit of remorse or bitterness in my voice, please don't take it personally.
7)if i on the contrary, do not mention your name, don't take it personally.
8)my feet are usually cold, so if my toes go into any crevace that they shouldn't take it as a compliment that i'm comfortable enough to put them there.
9)i sleep walk, and on occasion will wake up on the couch or toilet, or somewhere else that is clearly not my bed.
10)i sleep eat. enough said.
11)i am known to have full out conversations whilst semi-concious. i will not remember them in the morning. don't expect me to.
12)sometimes i strip. i will go to bed full clothed and wake up nearly naked.. this is not implying anything sexual. sometimes i just get hot.
13)i drool, especially if i'm drunk and/or sick.
14)i like to take up the entire bed. i might end up on top of you.
15)i am a very heavy sleeper, so i will not hear or recognize any possible sleeping flaws you may have. humour me, pretend you don't either.
and lastly..
16)i am a horrible morning person, unless of course you offer coffee, then i will love you.

theres more, i know it.. feel free to add to this list

pin_and_needle @ 2007-01-07T13:39:00

2007-01-07T18:39:12Z

i've decided to make my journal friends only..
sorry tyler!!

pin_and_needle @ 2007-01-07T02:07:00

2007-01-07T07:09:00Z

i'm so sick of being abandonded.
yes. abandoned. that's how i feel.
i hope you're happy.

pin_and_needle @ 2007-01-06T13:33:00

2007-01-06T18:34:28Z

"i'm tired of living with you.. as soon as i sell the car i'm moving to BC. i'm sick of this."

pin_and_needle @ 2007-01-05T19:57:00

2007-01-06T00:57:35Z

What stereotype do you belong to? Your Result: No stereotype not preppy yet not a complete loser. has good friends and doesn't revolve life around their looks or social status. All around good person. usually liked by everyone
Punk
Emo
Jock
Loner
Preppy
Gamer
geek/nerd
What stereotype do you belong to?

pin_and_needle @ 2006-12-19T01:20:00

2006-12-19T05:20:31Z

I have come to the conclusion today, that people are fucking dumb.
specifically and generally speaking.

I'm not implying that I'm exceptional or anything. As a matter of fact, I'm probably dumber than you're average human.
And you know, sometimes it bothers me how stupid people can be, but most of the time it makes me laugh.

Occasionally it gives me something to write about.

So thank you shit talkers, attention whores, gossip queens and those of you who feed off of other people's drama, you put just the smirk on my face and the hop in my step to get me through the day. Because I know that at the end of it-- and I'm going to be bold here-- I'm that much better than you, that i can laugh at how pathetic you all are, for thinking that anyone cares what you really think.

Now, you can now think anything you want about me, because you're right.
I'm a pretentious, egotistical bitch who hides behind my big words, while I'm insulting people I don't know.
You can think that this somehow relates to you, you can cause any drama you want, because I will tell you right now, i am going to laugh at you.
and you will make my day so much better, because now i know that you're thinking about me, and you are thinking about ways you can make me feel bad, so that you can feel better about yourself.

and you will just prove my theory.
that people are fucking dumb.

Now, it's your turn. Try me.

pin_and_needle @ 2006-12-16T04:10:00

2006-12-16T08:10:13Z

i don't feel good,
so i buy new clothes and get my hair done to make me feel better about myself..
but then the clothes get old,
and my hair grows out, and
i don't feel good.

when i'm uncomfortable, or feel out of place somewhere, i leave.
but when i'm uncomfortable in my own skin..
where do i go?

amongst the intense conversations i had today, there was one i found quite humourous.

craig: "be careful mandy, that pan is hot.."
lunchy: "and by pan, he means me."
mandy: "and by you, he means me."
lunchy: "and by you, he means mikhail."
mandy: (laughs)
craig: "what's going on here, what's so funny?"
lunchy: "i think she just called you gay."

i love you justine.